booze, boobs & clutchkicks


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Strawberry Bourbon

This recipe legitimately has three ingredients. It is super easy to make. The hard part is waiting.


1 bottle Bourbon (I prefer Bulleit)
1 batch strawberries
white sugar (to taste)

Something to store the bourbon in...

If you don't have bourbon, I suggest you go get some because you can't fucking make strawberry BOURBON without bourbon. Duh. You want something that isn't gonna taste like complete ass so Jim Beam Kentucky Straight was my choice here,  which is around $13. I generally use Bulleit 10 Year, but that shit starts to get expensive at $45 a pop when you're making it every week; so for the sake of budgeting, we're gonna use good ol' Jimmy. It tastes just the damn same, just with a little less bite.


Now, ya need a decent sized mason jar or a pitcher or something to hold the booze - and some strawberries. If you don't have any strawberries, you need to slap yourself in the face, because you can't make STRAWBERRY BOURBON WITHOUT THE STRAWBERRIES!

Cut off the tops of the strawberries and slice them in half. Next, place them into the mason jar, filling it up about half way.


Pour in ALL of the booze...or as much booze will fit into your jar. You want it full, but not too full. If you still have some left over, save it, or make another batch or drink it. I don't care.


Now for the hard part. Store it in a cool, dark place for 7 days. Shake the jar every 2 days. Optimally, you should wait about 3 weeks for the best taste.


You didn't steal any sips, did'ja? It's okay if you did, you're probably thinking to yourself, "This shit smells like tupentine!" well, it'll probably taste like it too if ya had any before it was done fermenting.  After a week of it sitting around, grab yourself a fine mesh strainer...or a colander if you're poor like me and strain the liquid into a large saucepan, making sure to get all the clumpy, solid stuff out and throw it away. Don't eat it, it tastes like shit. 


On MEDIUM heat in a saucepan, dissolve about 1/3 C (or to taste) of sugar into the booze . You don't want it boiling, because you'll boil off the alcohol and fuck it up. Don't be stupid. Stir the sugar until it's dissolved and to your liking. Remove from heat, allow to cool COMPLETELY and pour back into your jar, shoe, or whatever you're storing it in. Store in a cool place until you're ready to drink it (the longer it sits the better it tastes).

Best served neat with a slice of strawberry.